I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
