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Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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