Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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