he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
