I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize