He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
