omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
