If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He shit in the fireplace
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
