Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
