how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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