her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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