The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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