im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
