I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize