bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
