Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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