so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
