All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
