he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
