I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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