While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
