apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
