How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
