What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
