So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
