I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
