Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
