you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
