I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
