The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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