fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
