every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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