i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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