I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
