I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
