I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love you.
Bad choice
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