I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
