Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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