girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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