her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
