Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
