So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
