Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
