Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
