just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
