Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
