The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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