you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize