I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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