Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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