What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
