What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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