I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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