I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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