There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
