Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
there is glitter all over my balls
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