Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
