so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
