That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
