Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
