i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
