she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
