This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
