i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
