It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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