I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize