If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
