she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
