We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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