that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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