I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's Friday. Sex?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize