The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
