Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize