talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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