Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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