Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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