there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
