another moral hangover. fuck.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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