allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
