i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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