i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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