I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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