Nicole vs. Life
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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